N
o two caregiving journeys are ever the same
There is an absolutely unique fingerprint to your caregiving journey. You cannot follow anyone else's path. Everything that takes you away from your unique path will bring unnecessary suffering and difficulty. Everything that brings you closer to your unique path will bring you joy and deep satisfaction.
Exploring your
Motivation to Care
This is where we will start. Not in the stages of the caregiving journey, we will get to that, but in what makes you unique, your story and your motivation to care.
T
he first tenent on the Caregiving Journey is to Know Yourself.
Sometimes the caregiving journey builds gradually, but often it hits us all of a sudden either because of our failure to anticipate it or because of a sudden illness or crisis - or both. We are now scrambling to cope with new demands on top of a full life. You are here now because you want to avoid this or you are tired of the constant crisis of someone who's caregiving experience is out of alignment with their own journey.
This is an often invisible dimension to the caregiving journey. Where we are at on this continuum determines the trajectory and much of what is beneficial for us and what is not.
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We must be honest about where we lie on this continuum. I go into more detail in the audio file below and also please take the simple assessment.
time commitment: 2-4 minutes
The Caregiver
Love / Power Continuum
I
s caregiving your element?
I have created a map of the Caregiving Journey. It is only a map and in some sense we are going through all the stages at once and they are not so discreet. But there is a segmentation to the journey as well in terms of stages where things tend to be more true.
The Caregiver's Journey
Inner Circle of Self-Care
audio recording for limited bandwidth
A long time ago I saw an amateur documentary on Japan. The man rode his bike from one end of Japan to the other and reported on the life he saw there. Finally, he stood with his back to the Sea of Japan and his camera in his hand and stated pretty much the most powerful words I've heard about "The Journey," Joseph Campbell excepted;
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"I have not only passed through Japan but Japan has passed through me."
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When we let the experience pass through us, it leaves us changed. If we have a good map to follow, often for the better.
Full audio recording of Mark talking about this stage in the journey
Learning & Skill Development
(Adapting Stage)
While we are scrambling to adapt to the needs of our loved one and our new life situation. What can help us through, is to commit to an intense phase of learning. We must know that we can't be everything during this stage. So focusing on learning is a good thing. We can build empathy as we come to understand more.
Remember, we are sometimes running a hospital for one in our homes without any previous training or experience. Be kind to yourself but LEARN. It will get better.
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it's not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That's why it's your path.”
― Joseph Campbell
Support & Teamwork
(Connecting Stage)
Full audio recording of Mark talking about this stage in the journey
While we are scrambling to adapt to the needs of our loved one and our new life situation. What can help us through, is to commit to an intense phase of learning. We must know that we can't be everything during this stage. So focusing on learning is a good thing. We can build empathy as we come to understand more.
Remember, we are sometimes running a hospital for one in our homes without any previous training or experience. Be kind to yourself but LEARN. It will get better.
Full audio recording of Mark talking about this stage in the journey
Communication, Story Sharing & Advocacy
(Advocating Stage)
While we are scrambling to adapt to the needs of our loved one and our new life situation. What can help us through, is to commit to an intense phase of learning. We must know that we can't be everything during this stage. So focusing on learning is a good thing. We can build empathy as we come to understand more.
Remember, we are sometimes running a hospital for one in our homes without any previous training or experience. Be kind to yourself but LEARN. It will get better.
Full audio recording of Mark talking about this stage in the journey
Emotions, Empathy
& Belonging
(Sustaining Stage)
While we are scrambling to adapt to the needs of our loved one and our new life situation. What can help us through, is to commit to an intense phase of learning. We must know that we can't be everything during this stage. So focusing on learning is a good thing. We can build empathy as we come to understand more.
Remember, we are sometimes running a hospital for one in our homes without any previous training or experience. Be kind to yourself but LEARN. It will get better.
Post Caregiving Journey
(Release)
Full audio recording of Mark talking about this stage in the journey
While we are scrambling to adapt to the needs of our loved one and our new life situation. What can help us through, is to commit to an intense phase of learning. We must know that we can't be everything during this stage. So focusing on learning is a good thing. We can build empathy as we come to understand more.
Remember, we are sometimes running a hospital for one in our homes without any previous training or experience. Be kind to yourself but LEARN. It will get better.
“Only one who has risked the fight with the dragon and is not overcome by it wins the hoard, the treasures hard to attain.”
Carl Jung
The Caregiver's Journey
Experience Map
audio recording for Experience Map
Click PDF link to download a high-resolution version of the Caregiver Journey Map.
The Caregiver's Journey
Self-Assessment
Find out where you are at on the Experience Map by downloading a detailed assessment that's keyed to the stages of the Caregiving Journey and caregiver wellbeing.
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If you'd like some coaching or support on your Caregiving Journey then email me your assessment and contact information.
T
he Hero's Journey has existed as a pattern within human stories in every culture since before recorded history. If you layer these universal waypoints over top of the more specific Caregiver's Journey Experience Map then you have a very powerful ally as a caregiver.
Universal Waypoints
on the Journey
Full audio recording of Mark talking about this stage in the journey
The Initiation
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The Call
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The Adventure
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The Return
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Put this into Caregiving Cycle.
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Maybe no need for Joseph Campbell references below.
Caregiving is a Calling
Full audio recording of Mark talking about this stage in the journey
While we are scrambling to adapt to the needs of our loved one and our new life situation. What can help us through, is to commit to an intense phase of learning. We must know that we can't be everything during this stage. So focusing on learning is a good thing. We can build empathy as we come to understand more.
Remember, we are sometimes running a hospital for one in our homes without any previous training or experience. Be kind to yourself but LEARN. It will get better.
The Initiation Cycle (False Summits, Lost Treasure and Capture Stories)
Personal Illness or Sickness:
Life-threatening illness or accident to you or someone close to you
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Harsh Life
Lesson
Initiated by betrayal, deception violence (emotional or physical), or through the greed, selfishness or ambition of another
Perceived Failure:
Failure of a relationship, loss of a dream or turning back before reaching an important summit
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Loss of Innocence
Make this yours. Add images, text and links, or connect data from your collection.
Following the Hero's Journey is a path to greater meaning in your life and creating a context for struggle and suffering and turning it into something that can be of service to others. Since I was in my twenties I have studied the Hero's Journey and coached others to find their story from within these master patterns. This is the book that started a large movement. It is not the most accessible, but it is the inspiration for many Hollywood movie scripts.
See video.
Contact me if you would like a resource list on the Hero's / Heroine's Journey. Or, the Post Heroic Journey
Introduction to Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey
Click PDF link to download a high resolution version of the Caregiver Experience Map.
T
here are many more patterns that can help cut through the confusion and disorientation of caregiving. I will share some that are meaningful and particularly relevant to the Caregiving Journey
Maslow's Hierachy of Needs
We need to realize these needs (including the higher level needs) for ourselves and also know that we are stewarding our loved one to the highest levels of fulfillment possible.
From Abraham Maslow's 1943 paper titled "A Theory of Human Motivation." Generally, the lower needs take precedence. Once they are fulfilled then the higher-level needs become important. In later years Maslow added to his higher-order needs.
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For instance, "transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos"
this is a good overview of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
including his later higher order needs.
The 12 Jungian Archetypes
What you will immediately notice is that the "Caregiver" is just one of 12 Archetypes. Some are just not suited for the Caregiver archetype and many of us contain multiple archetypes that need to also be fulfilled on our caregiving journey. The Caregiving Journey is to service but it must also include a path to your own "wholeness," to be both satisfying and sustainable.
The U.S. Military & Veteran Caregiver Experience Map
Thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands of dollars went into creating this Caregiver Experience Map. It can be a valuable resource for any caregiver.
Click PDF link to download a high resolution version of the Caregiver Experience Map.
"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and
smarter than you think."
Christopher Robin
And you can navigate to the outcomes that you & your loved one most desire
